Reading Adapted from “Dr Seuss”

Today is your day.
You’re off to great places!   You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.   You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’ll look up and down the streets. Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
You’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
Out there things can happen, and frequently do,
To people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.  You’ll start happening too.
Except when they don’t, because, sometimes they won’t.
I’m sorry to say, but sadly it’s true,
that bang-ups and hang ups can happen to you.
‘Cause when these happen, there’s a very good chance,
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
That can scare you so much, you won’t want to go on.
But, no, that’s not for you.
On and on you will hike.  And you know you’ll hike far,
and face up to your problems, whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact,
and remember that life’s a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft,
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?  Yes you will indeed,
98 & 3/4 percent guaranteed.
So whether your name is (Groom’s surname) or (Bride’s Surname),
you’re off to great places.
Today is your day.
Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way!

“I Like You”

Sandol Stoddard Warburg

I like you and I know why -

I like you because you are a good person to like.

I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it’s special,

and you remember it a long, long time.

You say, “remember when you told me something special”,

and both of us remember.

When I think something is important, you think it’s important too.

We have good ideas.

When I say something funny, you laugh.

I think I’m funny and you think I’m funny too.

Hah-hah!

I like you because you know where I’m ticklish,

and you don’t tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes.

But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too.

You know how to be silly – that’s why I like you.

If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,

then you are getting ready to jump.

HOORAY!

I like you because if I am mad at you,

then you are mad at me too.

It’s awful when the other person isn’t;

They are so nice and, oooh, you could just about punch them on the nose.

I can’t remember when I didn’t like you.

It must have been lonesome then,

even if it was the 999th of July,

even if it was August,

even if it was way down at the bottom of November,

I would go on choosing you,

and you would go on choosing me,

over and over again,

and that’s how it would happen every time.

Be happy simply because you exist!

“A SOUIX PRAYER”

Grand father; Great Spirit-
All over the world,
the faces of the people are alike
with tenderness, they-
have come
out of the ground.
Look upon your children
that they may face the winds
and walk the good road
to the days of quiet
Grand father; Great Spirit-
fill us with the light;
give us the strength
to understand
and the eyes to see.
Teach us to walk the soft earth
as relatives
to all that live.

The Bride’s 89 year old grandfather stepped forward, held the hands of the Bride and Groom and said, without cue-card:

Having a happy marriage doesn’t necessarily come easily just because you love each other.  While love is very important in a marriage sometimes it just isn’t enough and you have to work at your marriage just like any other relationship.

Marriage is a multi-faceted relationship that needs to be nurtured in all of its capacities in order to be successful.  Even the more mundane tasks such as household chores and paying the bills can factor into the well-being of your marriage.

1. Both of you in the marriage must be prepared to put your partner’s happiness ahead of your own from time to time for the marriage to truly work.  Sometimes this requires being willing to make sacrifices for each other for the good of the marriage. If either of you is completely self-centred and unwilling to make sacrifices it will likely create resentment in the marriage.

At times the sacrifices may be big but most often it’s the smaller things that matter most.  Even preparing a dish that you don’t like but that you know your spouse likes lets your partner know that you care and are willing to put their happiness first at times.

2. While making sacrifices is important in a happy marriage, it is also important to sometimes do things that are just for you.  It’s great to have a lot of common interests but it’s also essential to have some things that you enjoy doing on your own.

3. Having some separate activities gives you a little time away from your partner once in a while and gives you a chance to realize how much you miss them when you are apart.  It also gives you an opportunity to explore things on your own and prevents boredom in the relationship.

4. Another secret to a happy marriage is to maintain an intimate and affectionate relationship.  Sharing physical closeness will keep your marriage happy.  Even small gestures such as hugs or holding hands give you the opportunity to reconnect with your spouse on a daily basis.

5. Finances can cause a great deal of stress in a marriage so it is important to do your best to ensure that you do not allow your financial situation to come between you.  When financial concerns arise it is important to discuss the problems so that both of you are aware of what is going on and to work on establishing a budget together.

Working together on this issue will make sure that neither of you feels left out of the decision making process and neither of you bears the stress of worrying about finances on your own.

6.Sharing household chores is another secret to a happy marriage.  If either of you feels as though you are taking on too much responsibility in the household it can lead to resentment. Not only does sharing these responsibilities prevent resentment but it also gives you an opportunity to work as a team which strengthens your bond.  Both of you need to take an active role in completing household chores and letting your partner know if you are beginning to feel overburdened so some new decisions can be made.

7. It’s also important that you let your partner know if they have said or done something to hurt you.  Failure to do so will allow the problem to continue which may in turn cause further problems.

If you bottle up your feelings your partner will be unaware of what they have done and may be likely to repeat their actions.  You also may begin to avoid your partner because you are angry and you don’t want to start a confrontation.  Your partner in turn may sense you behaving differently and be annoyed by your behaviour.  Understanding that you and your partner won’t always be in complete agreement is also critical to a happy marriage.

While you may agree on a lot of things it’s unrealistic to believe that you and your partner will be in sync at all times.  It’s okay to disagree sometimes as long as you respect each other’s feelings and beliefs and do not think that any one disagreement will be the end of the relationship.

8. Spontaneity is also an important part of a happy marriage.  Allowing yourselves to fall into a predictable pattern can lead to boredom but being spontaneous at times will prevent boredom from setting in and keep the relationship interesting.

9.Maybe most important of all the skills in marriage is open communication. Without communication the relationship will continually struggle. It’s important to be honest with your partner and share your concern and to listen to what your partner has to say while making an effort to understand their point of view before responding.  Communicating about problems and concerns is important but it’s also important to communicate about your daily lives and even your aspirations for your personal future.

10. Finally, remembering why you married your partner is one of the most important secrets of a happy marriage.  Always keep in mind what it is about your partner that drew you to them in the first place will make certain that you never forget your love for your partner.  It will also ensure that they are always beautiful in your eyes.

Many things may change throughout the course of your marriage but the one thing that will always remain is the reason you fell in love in the first place.

A happy marriage is not guaranteed no matter how much you each love each other.  There are so many variables that can have an effect on the happiness and success of the marriage.  However it is important that both of you realize that you must continuously work on all of these aspects if you want your marriage to remain a happy and healthy one.

An email I received recently went something like this: “I would like to know what you think about the challenges that … age poses to the institution of marriage.”

I love this question as I believe age poses a whole set of different issues for couples though none any less surmountable than those presenting to younger couples.

So many couples these days are entering into second, third and sometimes four or more relationships in their lifetime. This is for many reasons.

For one, we’re living longer and sometimes outliving our partners. Secondly the divorce rate is certainly higher as more countries turn to a more democratic way of thinking about marriage. And while I say this I heard a statistic the other day that stated that more than 60% of marriages around the world are still arranged, and sometimes even enforced, by parents or other members of the community in which couples live.

Thirdly people are discovering that we are principally social beings and are happiest in relationship. Research indicates that when we are part of a couple we are not only happier but will be healthier and may even extend our life expectancy by up to ten years,

These are all the good things about marrying when we are older so what are some of the challenges?

I guess one of the greatest challenges is that when we enter into relationships when we are older we often come with, as I have affectionately described it to my partner, “baggage”. For me that was in the shape of four children from a previous relationship. They certainly provided us with some challenges as my current partner, now of 23 years, had to come to terms with the notion that he was not just entering into a relationship with me but with my children as well. At the time all my children were under the age of eight which meant they were going to still be around for some time yet.

Hence relationships were being forged with each of those children as it was with me. My children came to see my partner as another father and looked to him, as well as to their biological dad, for support and guidance as we now collectively were making a new family.

Another challenge of age is that most people have already established themselves financially. They may even already own assets such as their own home and all that goes with that re furniture and furnishings. The challenge then is when you come to live together what do you do with all those possessions? Does it just end up in the attic as has happened to some of our possessions at our place?

Yet another challenge for marriage at an older age is based on the fact that we will have each lived so much of our lives already. We have had our experiences, good and bad, and we have our opinions, good and bad, based on those experiences.

The challenge is still to stay open to learning something new as we share ourselves with someone else. And of course the great thing about this is that we are no longer so concerned with material possessions and whether we have still the physical attributes of a twenty year old. We now have the confidence, and hopefully the wisdom, to know there are more important things in life and more important things to learn and to share with the person we now choose to be our partner.

Finally another challenge regarding age and the institution of marriage is that we simply won’t have as much time to do all the things together of a lifetime. For some couples their opportunities may even be less than a decade, a year or even a month. Maybe the challenge here is, as it should be for all of us, live it all out one day at a time as if there is going to ever be no tomorrow.

Say what you need to say today. Don’t wait until tomorrow. It might not come.

]]> http://celebrantgoldcoastqueensland.com.au/marriage-relationships/love-after-forty-by-lidy-s/feed/ 0 http://celebrantgoldcoastqueensland.com.au/wedding-readings/buddhist-prayer-for-a-wedding/ http://celebrantgoldcoastqueensland.com.au/wedding-readings/buddhist-prayer-for-a-wedding/#comments Tue, 20 Mar 2012 06:46:44 +0000 Sheridan Bryant http://celebrantgoldcoastqueensland.com.au/?p=956

“A Blessing for The Journey”

Author:  Sensei Wendy Egyoku Nakao

May you vow to bear witness to the wholeness of life,

realising the completeness of each and everything.

Embracing your differences, you shall know yourself as you,

and the other as yourself.

May you serve each other for all your days, here, there and everywhere.

May you vow to open yourselves to the abundance of life.

Freely giving and receiving, you shall care for each other,

for the trees and stars, as treasures of your very own.

May you be grateful for all your days, here, there and everywhere.

May you vow to forgive all hurt, caused by yourselves or others

and to never condone hurtful ways.

Being responsible for your actions, you shall free yourselves from each other.

May you be kind for all your days, here, there and everywhere.

May you vow to remember that all that appears will disappear.

In the midst of uncertainty, you shall sow love.

Here!  Now!  I call to you:

May you, together, live The Great Peace that you are.

May you give not fear for all your days, here, there and everywhere

“I am often asked why that when a couple starts a conversation about something that is really important to them it often just ends in another fight.

Improving your skills in this area will help your relationship mature in a healthy way keeping it strong and happy.

For a couple to reach decisions without unnecessary battles needs skill.

Here are 7 rules for couple problem solving that may be helpful for you to keep in mind for when you are trying to solve a problem that has come up between you and your partner:

1. Remind yourselves about why you are there. Take breaks as needed throughout the conversation as needed to keep your energy positive.
2. Focus on only one issue at a time. Agree on what the problem or issue is, so you are not trying to solve multiple problems at once or work at cross-purposes by trying to address different issues.
3. Avoid being attached to a particular outcome. Avoid stating something as absolute fact. There is really only a perspective: yours and the others.
4. Encourage and freely share thoughts, feelings, and opinions with love, respect, and kindness. Avoid criticism or domination of each other. Strive to be open to all expressions without taking offense.
5. Carefully monitor and modify your attitude and tone of voice. If underneath your words is criticism, disrespect, or sarcasm, your spouse will hear them, even when your words are positive.
6. Listen to each other carefully and without interruption and request clarification as needed.
7. Strive for shared agreement, even when it takes longer. At times you might need to agree to disagree or even to deferring to the other’s solution. Regardless still look at and carry out the decision as a jointly agreed. But do not defer just for the sake of getting consensus. It may be better to take a break and come back to it again.

And just as importantly review significant decisions after some time trying them out to assess whether they are working or whether you need to start the process over again. Stay aware for when you need to involve someone else, like a counsellor or mediator, in a discussion or decision to ensure the greatest success.

Decisions work best when you have equal voices in couple discussions. It is important for you both to express what is on your minds and in your hearts freely. Either withholding your opinion or dominating the other in the conversation may negatively affect the outcome.

If one of you tends to be more dominant in speaking, you will need to be even more attentive to give the other an opportunity to have their say. The quieter of you may also need to practice assertiveness. Free expression happens when you are both willing to listen to each other without interruption giving whatever time is necessary to ensure that both of you fully understand what the other is saying before saying what you want to say.”